religionlulz

From The Onion: Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian

2010-01-14T12:44:00.001-05:00

It's every parent's nightmare.... your son is secretly an evangelical christian.

"I caught him watching The 700 Club once when he thought he was alone in the house, and last week, I found some paperbacks from the Left Behind series hidden in his sock drawer," his mother, Eileen Faber, said. "I'm sure he'll grow out of it, but even if he doesn't, I will love and accept my son no matter what."

Lets See This Love(TM) Then Christians

2010-01-14T11:39:00.001-05:00

I just checked my new buddy ZDenny's blog to read his condemnation of the latest vile horse shit coming out of Pat Robertson's mouth, but couldn't find anything. How weird.

It seemed to me that someone who is constantly lecturing anyone willing to listen, and more who are not, about how he and his fellow members of the christianity cult have some kind of special grasp of Love(TM), that the non-brainwashed masses couldn't possibly fathom, would want to distance himself as quickly as possible from comments as repugnant as Robertson's.

*tumbleweed*

For those of you living in a cave, Robertson's has recently given his explanation for the earthquake in Haiti:-

They were under the heel of the French, you know Napoleon the third and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said 'we will serve you if you will get us free from the prince.'…so the devil said, 'ok it’s a deal.' And they kicked the French out….But ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after another.

Maybe it's just an isolated incident and perhaps Robertson is just being misunderstood? Er, yeah, right!!

On 9/11

Agreed with Jerry Falwell guesting on the 700 Club when he said that god had allowed the attacks to take place because of the moral decay, specifically the ACLU, abortionists, feminists and gays. Robertson later tried to distance himself.

On Hurricane Katrina

I was reading… a book that was very interesting about what God has to say in the Old Testament about those who shed innocent blood… Have we found we are unable somehow to defend ourselves against some of the attacks that are coming against us, either by terrorists or now by natural disaster? Could they be connected?

Again, punishment from god. In this case for abortion.

On Hugo Chavez

[...]thinks we’re trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It’s a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. And I don’t think any oil shipments will stop… We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability.

There's that christian Love(TM) thing again. Let's go assassinate a foreign leader we don't like, god would approve. Probably. Well, you can't prove that he doesn't!!

On Ariel Sharon's Stroke

He was dividing God's land and I would say woe unto any Prime Minister of Israel who takes a similar course…God says 'this land belongs to me. You'd better leave it alone.

He later apologized and said he was taken out of context.

On Women

The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

This is what happens in such a religious country. Idiots like this gain positions of wealth, power and political influence. All the Love(TM) in the world won't make this a good thing.

People like Robertson, Falwell, Hagee et al need to be marginalized at every opportunity.

NonStampCollector Nails It Again

2010-01-13T11:30:00.000-05:00

He could have slipped in a quick "A car has a designer, therefore a human needs a designer", but the tornado/junkyard/747 metaphor repeated many times sufficed nicely.

The Power Of Prayer Or Lack Thereof

2010-01-13T11:00:00.000-05:00

Ah ha!! That explains it!!

You might not believe this, but when I woke this morning I found none other than jebus stood at the end of my bed. I know!! I couldn't believe it either!!!

"Jebus!!", I exclaimed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "WTF you doing here, bud?"

"Well me old mate", he replied. "It's about ZDenny. He and his multitude(s) have been inundating me with requests to stop you misrepresenting his "arguments". I know, as if he has any arguments, right?!? LOL!! He also thinks that you need to know my love. To be honest with you though, you're a nice bloke and everything, but I just don't think of you that way."

"Right back at ya big man!! I've never liked beards", I said with a cheeky wink.

"LMAO!! Seriously though, don't get too hung up on my appearance, this is just the Westernized projection of me. Remember, I'm actually a bronze age jew, there's absolutely no chance that I look like someone from medieval Europe."

"Alright dude, I'm just having a laugh."

"I know. Anyway....", he said looking sheepishly at his sandals, "...leave off ZDenny, he's a really cool guy and he's knows his shit and everything", he spluttered out.

And as if by magic, jebus disappeared into thin air.

Wow!! I've seen the light!! I'm ready to come to jebus!!!

No. Wait. That didn't happen, and it never fucking will, it doesn't matter how much you commune with your invisible magic sky man...

We pray for ReligionLulz that you may help him see you. A person who purposely misrepresents another person’s arguments needs to know your love. Religionlulz doesn’t understand that His greatest need is to know you. We pray that your hand will work in his life and that you will speak to his heart. He needs to know your love so that he can become a beautiful person. In Jesus Name – AMEN!

You're still just a grown adult with an imaginary friend. And you don't have any arguments, just mental contortions and rationalizations to arrive back at your presupposed position that really is no more complicated than "god did it, the bible says so". It doesn't matter how much you pretend to enter into things with an open mind using your own version of the scientific method, which you believe was invented by the bible, you're only convincing yourself.

It doesn't matter how much you keep pointing your finger at everyone else saying we're the closed minded one, we're the ones indoctrinated with dogma, we're the deluded ones, it won't make it any more real than your friend in the clouds. Wishing won't make it so.

Thanks for the prayer though, it rocked!!

We're Still Waiting Creation Science

2010-01-13T09:20:00.001-05:00

Spotted on Wired.

On this day in 1908 Frenchman Henry Farman made the first official flight of 1Km around a closed course to win a prize. Just over 6 decades later Neil Armstrong was leaving footprints on the moon.

This is what science does. The scientific method continues to provide everything we need to sustain and improve life for the human race. I can't help but wonder where we might be today if religion hadn't managed to suppress scientific endeavor for so long.

We're still waiting for creation "science" to deliver anything useful. And as for organized religion in general? Well, I suppose a few soup kitchens do go a long way to make up for all the harm religion has done.

It's ZDenny Check It Out

2010-01-10T17:48:00.000-05:00

ZDenny is good for some lulz for a while, but it soon becomes apparent that he operates in some bizarro world where everything is the opposite of reality and it all wears a bit thin pretty quickly. For instance, in ZDenny's world it is he and his fellow religious fruitloops who are the "free thinkers" who have freed themselves from the intellectual shackles of dogma and it's the scientists who are closed minded and unable to think outside of their indoctrination. Seriously, you couldn't make this shit up you know.

Recently he has tried to claim that science exists because of religion, not in spite of it. Religion has not held science back whatsoever. I suppose persecuting heretics somehow advanced science, nothing inspires someone to question the world and the accepted religious based explanations than the threat of a good disembowelling if you do!!

For instance, check out his definition of the conditions required to foster good science:-

Science depends on high moral standards, stability and the implication of a design which can be known. If these preconditions are not met, science cannot be done successfully nor is anyone really thinking about science itself.

Erm, ohhhhhhhhhh-kay.

He goes on in the following paragraph to tie religiosity to scientific advance thus:-

It should be no surprise that the greatest nation scientifically in the world today is America. As futher support, the most religious nation on the planet earth currently also happens to be America.

Ta-Da!!! QED bitches!!

Actually, I'm surprised that such a great scientific mind as ZDenny would suggest that correlation does in fact imply causation, but he's working in a whole new framework that the secular world couldn't possibly fathom. No, that's actually true.

In the comments section someone points out that "93% of Scientists identify as Atheist, or Agnostic", but ZDenny has an answer for that:-

93% of scientist being atheist/agnostic is simply reflective of a principle called Scientific Fascism. In a country that is overwhelming Christian, the only way to exclude Christians is with fascism. I want scientists to end this fascism and open up science to everyone.

Yes, christians are being excluded by a form of fascism!! What I can't quite get my head around is how the "greatest nation scientifically" has the 'fact' that it's also "the most religious nation on the planet" to thank for it's all round awesomeness, but manages to successfully exclude the very people responsible for science from science through the mechanism of fascism. How does that work?

Quick Learner

I first came across ZDenny's wonderful website back in November 2009 with a post commentating on a Wired article about a meteor crashing into the Earth about 1.85 billion years ago.

ZDenny sought to cherry pick little pieces from the article to demonstrate that "scientific evidence for a worldwide flood keeps pouring in". He neglected to mention that the article suggested that this could have happened nearly 2 billion years ago rather than about 4,000 years ago and had nothing to do with his flood myth whatsoever. I know, just a strange oversight I'm sure.

However, what really caught my eye was ZDenny's suggestion that this meteor impact could actually be responsible for separating the land masses around the world. I laughed my arse off when I read this and had to ask him if he believed that the land masses of the world sit atop the oceans like pontoons. I recommended that he do some research on plate techtonics for a start.

His response proved that he is galatically stupid and not worth entering into any kind of debate with:-

I think the finding of water below the surface of the moon should cause you to possibly rethink your understanding of tectonics. Is it possible that the earths water use to exist under the plates? If a comet large enough broke through, it would be like popping a balloon.

*facepalm*

I'm no scientist, but this is basic elementary level stuff and he's so far away from demonstrating any kind of understanding it would be more productive arguing with a pot plant. Honestly, I'm sure that I'm just a victim of indoctrination by the fascists, but I've had a reasonable grasp of what forms the planet beneath our feet since a fairly young age.

But wait, ZDenny's nothing if not a fast learner. In November he apparently didn't have the first clue about the physical composition of the Earth's crust, but by January 7th 2010 he was able to write an 1,100 word blog "destroying" the universally accepted concept of continental drift. In his opinion, there was no such thing as Pangea apparently and the land masses of the world are just as they've always been. Just as the magic sky man made them thank you very much.

He's now feeling entirely comfortable talking about "continental crusts" and "rift zones", but 2 months ago had the less-than-child-like understanding that lead him to believe that a meteor might have "broken up" the land masses of the Earth. Not to mention that he's changed his position from apparently accepting Pangea to now standing in opposition to just about the entire geological community.

Learning something new is fantastic. Changing one's mind is to be applauded, but this is an amazing turn around in just 2 months. I suppose this is evidence, as if it were necessary, of ZDenny's brilliant critical thinking skills. I'm in awe!! Seriously, none of us are worthy of such a genius!!

History Too
The Lousy Canuck linked to an Onion story about the ancient Sumerians being shocked and confused as they witnessed the christian god creating the universe and the planet Earth ~6,000 years ago. Obvious satire, even if you've never heard of The Onion before.

Not to ZDenny though, who commented:-

I think this article demonstrates that the story of Creation goes back to the very beginning of humanity. I found it fascinating. I will have to do some more research on it.

Oh dear. How's that research coming along ZDenny? How he must wish he could take that comment back!!

Lesson learned about rushing to ban this fuckwit - you may well miss out gems like this!!

Art
I probably shouldn't read ZDenny's blog, but it's like a car crash, I just can't help looking. Today I found that he published a YouTube video from a couple of years ago telling the story of some kid who can paint. Lots of kids can do that, but this one claims to paint visions given to her from god including of his son, jebus.

There's so many things that the brilliant scientific mind of ZDenny could and should question about this Glen Beck narrated video, not least the claim that the homeschooling mother was an atheist. Since that's the title of his blog, I'm guessing that he buys that 100%, no questions asked.

Probably the most obvious question would be why the young girl receives visions from god of jebus as a Caucasian in exactly the same way as da Vinci or Michelangelo depicted him and not as a jew from bronze age Palestine. In fact, the very first comment asks him:-

Why does Jesus look like a northern or western European?

Excellent. This is the way to do it, keep it simple and short, he can't dodge that. ZDenny's response?

Actually, Jesus was Jewish; however, I found it interesting that CNN ran the story. She obviously is a prodigy.

Christ on a mother fucking bike, you vacuous fucktard!!!! We know he was jewish, that's why we want to know why he doesn't look like a fucking jew in the painting if this is a vision from his dad?!? You can't be this stupid and still manage to get through a day without accidentally killing yourself, it's just not possible.

This is just scratching the ZDenny surface. I invite you check out his blog to get your lulz, but beware not to get sucked into commenting. Comments are moderated by default, so who knows whether you'll even get published, but I can guarantee any salient points you might make with be either misunderstood or completely ignored.

He obviously has a great future ahead of him in the religious community, he reminds me a young Kent Hovind. Just not as bright!!

Hovind's Dissertation - You Could Not Make This Part Up

2009-12-09T21:12:00.001-05:00

I'm not kidding here, I've read about as much as I can take of Hovind's "dissertation", but I think I've already found the BEST. PART. EVAH!!!!

How could this sweet, sweet irony be topped? Just a bit of background; Hovind's main theme throughout this, er, document, is that evolution has no evidence and is just a religion, so should not be taught in public schools. (Yes, he does in fact concede that religion should not be taught in science class, his problem seems to be proving that evolution is a religious belief).

So here's Kent Hovind in his own words from page 57 of his "doctoral dissertation" (emphasis mine):-

Evolution is a religious faith. If the evolutionists want to believe in evolution, they are free to do so. We live in America which is a free country. We are free to choose what we want to believe. What I am upset about is the fact that their faith is being taught as science in the public school system at my expense as a taxpayer. That upsets me greatly!

Kent Hovind's "Dissertation"

2009-12-09T20:13:00.001-05:00

This is Kent Hovind. When Kent isn't serving time for tax evasion he likes to lie for jebus.

This is Patriot Bible University, a non-accredited correspondence college where Kent Hovind obtained his master's degree and doctorate.

Despite the usual practice of publishing dissertations, neither Hovind or the "university" would release his dissertation for public consumption. That seems unfair as it's likely to be extremely lulzy.

However, one copy was kept on file at the National Center for Science Education and I'm not saying that someone there wanted to share some lulz or anything, but it's on WikiLeaks.

Hovind doesn't disappoint. I've only read the first 15 pages, but there's no shortage of lulz. I'd put a fair wedge of money on it being choc-full of lies for the baby jebus too. I scrolled down and stopped at random and found this gem on page 42:-

I was aware that these guys love to jump up and down about Haeckel, but this is the first time I've heard it claimed that his discredited hypothesis was used to justify abortion. In the next page Hovind goes on to claim that...

Probably more than any other man, Haeckel is responsible for the influence on a young man who was to come later and radically change the world, Adolf Hitler. In reading Haeckel's ideas and experiments, Hitler decided that the strongest race was the one that was to survive. His imperialism led to his belief that the Germans were to take over the world. Much harm as (sic) come to the world by this man, Ernest Heckel.

I know, reads like a 12 year old wrote it. The dude's clearly a fucking lunatic. He's scheduled to be released from prison in 2015.

Protest Win

2009-11-30T20:01:00.002-05:00

I'll just leave this here...

Gimme That Christian Side Hug

2009-11-25T13:10:00.000-05:00

Continuing the trend of taking something from the mainstream and "christianizing" it, I give you these preppy white boys rapping about hugging from the side to prevent any kind of accidental alignment of the genitalia...

As ever, with something so cringe inducing, so unlikely to attract favourable opinion, so laughable, comments and ratings have been disabled.

If America is a christian nation...

2009-11-24T12:25:00.001-05:00

...why is it that christians have to create their own christian versions of popular websites?

I'm sure there's loads, but just a few I've come across recently:-

christianchirp [Twitter clone]
christianspaces [MySpace clone]
christslist [Craig's List clone]

Who knew it was possible to create something that looked even more low-fi than Craig's List?

This might seem like an overly simplified point, but surely if the majority of people in this country wanted god and jebus injected into everything they did, if they wanted this stuff taught in science class and wanted it infecting our politics, surely these popular websites would be christian in nature in the first place. It would be the secularists running off to create their own, non-religious versions.

Why aren't these websites theist in nature in the first place? Because there isn't a viable market for it, the fundies are quite rightly in a small minority, but are, unfortunately, very vocal.

As I've stated many times, I could not care less what people believe, just so long as they keep it where it belongs. I'm quite happy for them to create their own poor imitations of other websites, it's entirely their right and if they ever came up with something original themselves I'm sure the secular world would steal it in a heart beat, only making it good in the process. Someone give me a shout if that ever happens!!

But they need to understand it for what it is; their world view is rejected by the majority time and time again. Therefore they have no place attempting to dictate political policy or educational policy in public schools. So go away fundies, no one likes you.

Amazon Reviews

2009-11-21T15:16:00.002-05:00

This was going to be a post about the perpetual fucktard Bill O'Reilly, but I got distracted along the way and it's now about a reviewer on amazon.com called 'Gen. JC Christian, patriot', who is infinitely more entertaining.

Just sticking with Billo for a moment, I was going to talk about his most recent "Talking Points" where he bemoaned the "blatant left-wing bias of the American press" because, as he claims, the AP put 11 fact checkers on Sarah Palin's recent tome, but none on Obama's books.

My feeling was that the nature of the books was different, the timing was clearly different and, let's face it, she's developed a reputation for talking horseshit. Some would regard her book as something of a manifesto for a potential Presidential run, but I'd be less concerned about that as there's plenty of time to dig into all that. Personally, I venture that the best reason to check out her claims would be purely for the lulz.

Anyhow, I've not read any of the books in question, so I figured I'd check out the premise behind the books from publishers and critics. I started at amazon.com and there I found Gen. JC Christian, patriot's review which I'll partially quote:-

There are many kinds of truth. There are truths based on facts, truths based on faith, and truths based on something that sounds as if it should be true (truthiness). Then there's the kind of truth we find in Sarah's book: stories and concepts that become truths simply because she states them. She's a lot like our Lord and Savior, Glen Beck, in that respect.

Sometimes, she states truths that would be considered ludicrous if uttered by someone else. Her claim that the McCain campaign forced her to spend $150,000 in RNC funds to dress her family in designer clothes is one example of that. Although it might be easier to believe that she acted like a trailer park Zsa Zsa who'd found a credit card left behind at a possum feed, she blames McCain staffers. That's good enough for us, because we have faith; we want to believe her truths.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot - you sir, win the interwebz!!

If you visit the profile above you will find many fantastic reviews including Carrie Prejean's "Still Standing", "Leaving Homosexuality: A Practical Guide for Men and Women Looking for a Way Out" by Alan Chambers, Bruce Bexley's "The Tea Party Movement: Why It Started, What It's About, and How You Can Get Involved" and much, much more.

As a final thought, am I alone in thinking that Billo and his ilk constantly bemoaning the "liberal bias" of everyone and his dog is akin to watching a marching band, noticing one band member is out of step with everyone else and exclaiming "look, everyone is out of step with that man!!"??

The Book Whore Tour

2009-11-21T01:41:00.002-05:00

She's had a bit of experience from her pageant days, but has obviously also had some coaching. I'll give her this though, as retarded as her message is, she's more polished at delivering it than Palin was last year.

You've probably seen the clip form Larry King where she threatened to walk off because Larry was being "inappropriate", but it's worth watching the full clip I'll embed at the end, it's got some gems.

Before I go on, when I saw the clip myself on the Daily Show, I couldn't wait to find out what Larry had said that she would find inappropriate. The way I saw it, for some tart who films herself flicking the bean for her boyfriend's enjoyment to find something inappropriate, the old fella in the braces must have come out with some amazing filth!! I was let down on that score quite badly.

Still, it's worth looking at the transcript during the early part of the interview. Larry gave her chance to set the tone for her book and she talked about some double standard nonsense. He then asked her about that question at the beauty pageant and she expressed surprise that this was something still being talked about seven months later. Trust me sweetie, if you fuck off now, we'll stop talking about it.

Let's take a quick snapshot from the interview:-

Larry:	You characterize yourself as being "Palinized", what do you mean?
Carrie:	Well, you look at, ah, Sarah Palin and congresswoman, you know, Michelle Bachmann, they are relentlessly, um you know, torn down by the liberal media. I mean they're wonderful women, they're intelligent, they're great mothers, urm, they're BRILLIANT and yet there is this double standard that conservative woman are fair game, to be attacked and it's not right and it needs to stop.
Larry:	Doesn't the conservative media tear down liberal politicians?
Carrie:	Not to the extent that liberals do to conservative ah women, I think that they get away with it. Urm, if you look at Keith Olbermann for instance, I talk about it in my book, some of the things that he, er, says on his show about conservatives, er, if Sean Hannity or if Bill O'Reilly said anything like that about, er, liberal women like Sonya Sotomayor or Michelle Obama he would be off the air and there is this double standard and americans are now exposed to it. deep breath
Larry:	Er, but the conservative media commentators denounce Sonya Sotomayor as a 'racist', Hilary Clinton as a 'bitch' and a 'liar', Laura Ingraham recently accused Nancy Pelosi of having done everything but sell her own body to get the health bill passed. You must condemn things like that?
Carrie:	And Look at the things that they said about Sarah Palin and her children, I mean it's unbelievable, the attacks are still coming and, um you know, when they're not happy with the message, Larry, what do they do? They attack the messenger. nods head triumphantly deep breath
Larry:	But you don't see it, that it happens on both sides?
Carrie:	I think that it's important for woman to stick together, I think that is the biggest thing and I think that there definitely is this bias against conservative women. It's fair game and if they don't like what you have to say, they have to attack your personal life. And that's what we've been seeing, it's very consistant. nods head

Is there any journalistic integrity in America? Should this airhead really be given screen time on a mainstream news channel just to promote her shitty book? Surely this sort of nonsense should only be brought onto a news channel for a bit of fun and sport at her expense, why does she get such a free pass??

If you're one of the people who thinks the sun shines out of her twat - I haven't seen the vids, so I'll take your word for it - let me just briefly explain how shitty this is:-

She opens with a claim of double standards, but provides no examples of what her beef is. I've an idea what she's driving at, you might too, but I'm not convinced that Carrie really does, it's just PR talking points. Maybe she doesn't get specific because she knows she'll be shot down easily, maybe she doesn't know, who cares, it's weak sauce.

So Larry tamely suggests that it's the same from both sides, which is designed to kill the claim of a "double standard". Good luck with that Larry. Over her head like a fucking 747, mate.

She claims the right wing don't go to the same extent and makes some absurd claim that Hannity and O'Reilly would be yanked from the air if they approached the standards of the left. Is she on fucking drugs? Has she any clue how far those stinkcunts would have to go to be taken off air? Obviously not.

Larry gets specific about some of the milder histrionics from her side.

She asks Larry to look at what is said on the Liberal side, but offers no examples, invokes martyrdom by utilizing a pathetic cliché.

So Larry asks her if she really doesn't see the same silly name calling from both sides.

She talks about women sticking together for some random reason and then again aserts that there is a bias against conservative women to the point that it's fair game to attack their personal lives. Like when they are caught filming themselves playing with their pussies despite trying to portray themselves as some kind of bastion of moral values. What is commonly known as a hypocrite.

But she's right about one thing though, she's among equals when she associates herself with the brilliant Palin and Bachmann.

Watch the whole thing, it's sooooo inappropriate.

Mohammad Warhol

2009-11-20T23:23:00.000-05:00

It occurs to me that christians might feel justified in accusing me of taking shots at them and ignoring the other faiths. To be clear, I find all organized religion equally ridiculous and abhorrent. However, christianity is the one that's in my face and subsequently provides the most lulz. If I ever move to the middle east, that would change.

But I hate to discriminate, so I made this....

Shroud Of Turin Proven To Be Real

2009-11-20T22:56:00.001-05:00

It's OK folks, mystery solved:-

The historian and researcher at the secret Vatican archive said she has found the words "Jesus Nazarene" on the shroud, proving it was the linen cloth which was wrapped around Christ's body.

It's got his name on it, it must be jebus!! Yup, I'm convinced, there's no other explanation. That's a piece of cloth that was laid over the dead body of our savior and then he rose from the dead, but is coming back to save us and also destroy the world at the same time. It's all true, all of it. Hey, you can't make this shit up, it's got his fucking name on it!!

Where do I sign up??

Oh, I am curious though.... do you think his Mommy sewed his name in there? How embarrassing!!

[from The Telegraph]

How Would Jebus Run A Health Insurance Company

2009-11-20T22:31:00.000-05:00

[Shamelessly lifted from businesspundit.com]

Rock Out With Jebus

2009-11-10T22:14:00.003-05:00

Erm, I guess it's guitar hero for christians. Or something.

Yeah!!! You ROCK, christian!!

Focus on the Family's News Team Are Lagging

2009-11-05T11:34:00.010-05:00

Some time ago I went through a phase of listening to christian radio for a couple of months. It gave me an amazing insight into just how batshit crazy these evangelicals can be, but ultimately I had to break away from it for the sake of my own sanity.

I don't know how typical it is, but the station I listened to basically just ran half hour syndicated shows in a regular programme. One of my favourite shows each morning was the Focus on the Family show with the massive, massive fucktard, James Dobson. A man who apparently has a PhD in child psychology, yet believes that homosexuality is a choice and something that can be "cured".

I regularly enjoyed his rages about impending anti-hate speech bills that would prevent his religious ilk preaching their bile and hate towards whichever minority group they think they can get away with. My point being that their anti-gay rhetoric sounds exactly the same as their anti-race and sex equality arguments of the past.

Without a hint of irony, he would demand tolerance towards the christian right wing's desire to be intolerant. Seriously. In his mind, anyone who wishes to shut down bigoted, intolerant bullshit is being intolerant themselves. So presumably we should all have the right to run around saying whatever we like, no matter how vile or dangerous, just so long as it isn't anything derogatory about the christian faith. That would be outrageous, natch.

Anyhoo, I digress. One of the last shows I had the pleasure of listening to was an interview with Carrie Prejean, the pagent girl who captured the headlines for publicly stating her opposition to gay marriage. (As a quick sidebar: for me, nothing she said was particularly controversial. She was asked a question, probably a leading one, and she gave an answer. She didn't try to attack anyone, although I'm not suggesting that prefacing any statement with "no offense" qualifies. But honestly, I could give two shits what she thinks and wonder why anyone would care what a beauty queen thinks about issues of social justice and equality).

It may well be that most people feel like I do and it was actually the religious right that rallied around her to protect her from the inevitable attacks from the biased liberal media that were never really there and they, themselves created any controversy. I don't know, who cares?

James Dobson wanted to elevate her to the position of poster child for their right to discriminate and a example of how the secular media attack their side. During the interview, they spent time going over how the media went after her and would continue to do so. Making her life a misery in the process while she tried to milk her 15 minutes of fame for every fucking cent she could.

What Dobson and his cohorts don't understand is that the rest of us, outside of their little religious bubble, do not care to be preached to about what is morally right or wrong. We don't recognise any authority in their silly little bible, so there's no point poking in our face and telling us that we're doing it wrong.

However, one thing worse than a sanctimonious, self righteous, pious arsehole preaching morality to others is a hypocritical, sanctimonious, self righteous, pious arsehole preaching morality to others. And isn't it amazing how many of them turn out to be hypocrites?

So I really didn't give a fuck when it was discovered that Prejean had posed for some photographs of a more salacious nature, she walked around in similar attire during a beauty contest, although, in fairness, the photos are somewhat more provocative than the average pageant. The only problem comes from the hypocrisy of someone representing themselves as somehow morally superior to others, but engaging in conduct they would consider questionable themselves.

Still, when the photos surfaced, I heard Dobson rationalize their existence and tried to accuse the media of being the hypocrites. Basically, his argument is that this sort of semi-nude stuff is prevalent in the secular world, so it's hypocritical to criticize Prejean for indulging. He simply does not get, or chooses not to get, that she's primarily on the wrong end of any criticism because she's set herself up as being morally superior to the rest of us, but has been found out to be the same. If she kept her gob shut, she'd be just another reasonably hot chick showing off some skin.

Now, you can file this firmly under "you couldn't make this shit up", but apparently a video has surfaced of Prejean playing a bit of the old vagina DJ!! Yup, you read that correctly... apparently the young lady who thinks she's on some moral mission from god to tell us who should and shouldn't be able to get married has no problem with doing the taco handshake on camera!! LAWL!!!!!!!

You can read the back story at TMZ, but in a nutshell, she's been pursuing a lawsuit against the Miss California organization for something or other to the tune of a million bucks. Apparently, they've had this video in their possession for a while but didn't really want to use it. Eventually they showed the tape to Prejean and her lawyer and she initially denied it was her until her face was shown in frame. She then conferred with her legal team for 15 seconds and promptly dropped her case!!

When I learned of this story I was immediately curious what Dobson thought, so I headed to his Focus on the Family website, but can you believe it doesn't get a mention?!? Strange that, I think he needs to get in that news department and get the whip cracking!!

On a serious note, if he addresses this at all during the radio show, I would fully expect him to point the finger of blame squarely towards any and all non-christians, probably squirming around to find some way to square the circle in the process.

As far as I can tell, Dobson has no issue with masturbation, so Prejean is in the clear there and that may well be the way Dobson rationalizes it. However, surely as soon as a camera is introduced it becomes pornography and Dobson is very well documented in his opposition towards porn.

I'm not sure what I find more lulzy about this development - the story itself, or the likes of Dobson squirming as they work out how to rationalize this. In all likelihood, they'll simply drop Prejean like a hot potato and pretend they never hitched any wagons to her.

Stupid, Lying or Both.

2009-11-03T19:52:00.014-05:00

I'm of the view, generally speaking, that religious people are either stupid or making money from it. There's probably a fair share who are basically intellectually lazy and if they could be arsed to give it some thought would probably come to the logical conclusion, but the rest are all stupid or lying.

Let's have a look at a lie.

Meet Jimmy Paris:-

I know, cool looking guy, right?

Jimmy's got a website. In fact, he's got a few. I stumbled across Jimmy at his new venture - Christian Chirp - a Twitter like site for christians. I say like Twitter, but it's really very poor. Still, I'm sure a few users signing up for the SMS service starting at just $5 will help him put the resources behind the system to make it work.

Jimmy's got a few other sites. Let's see, there's christianmoney.com and christianinternetincome.com, both of which feature eye raping design, horrible typography, testimonials and pictures of Jimmy with celebrities such as Lou Ferigno. I know, the Incredible Hulk!!! I shit you not!!

I followed his link and ended up at his Twitter page and from there to his blog. The first post I saw was Jimmy ranting about being "Banned From Twitter For Supporting Rush Limbaugh".

This is where it gets interesting. This is a classic case of stupid or lying and quite possibly a healthy dose of both. Let's look at his post where he offers his version of why Twitter banned suspended him.

Well, I guess I know how Rush Limbaugh feels. This week I posted a blog piece supporting Rush and I received thousands of visits to my blog. I also engaged in probably one hundred ‘debates’ with people on Twitter about the whole Rush Limbaugh/NFL controversy. Today, I received the below message that I have been suspended from Twitter for one week. Obviously, someone did not like what I was saying in support of Rush. You will notice that my blog article was ‘re-tweeted’ 150 times by those that read it (not by me). I guess I am making some liberal at Twitter upset. Let's make them really mad, please click on the "tweeted" button above and that will bring even more attention to this issue on their own network.

Don’t worry, I won’t give in. These are the kinds of things that we as Christians and Conservatives can only expect to happen more and more often.

Jim helpfully includes a screencap of the email from Twitter explaining his ban suspension:-

The email is from an address at Twitter featuring the name "suspendaggresivereply" and states that he was suspended for "reply spam" on October 17th. The email was dated that same day at 5.26PM. For the benefit of the hard of understanding, the email goes on to explain what the reply function is for.

Nothing to do with Re-Tweets by other people and certainly nothing to do with the content, Rush Limbaugh or otherwise. Of course, if you're the average, deluded Rush Limbaugh "dittohead" (christ on a bike, they even call themselves fucking "dittoheads"!!!) actual facts like these will be entirely meaningless.

So let me see if I can help Jimmy, and anyone else who doesn't get it, see exactly what Twitter were pissed about. Let's take a look at Jimmy's Tweets from Oct 17th...

Oh, wait a second. There's a gap from Oct 16th 5.45PM until Oct 26th 2.38PM. Mmmmm, that seems a bit strange, there's no Tweets from the 17th at all. I wonder who deleted them?? Yes, it's probably a Twitter policy to delete all Tweets the day of suspending spammers!! That makes sense.

Ah, but not so fast!! Let's take a look at Jimmy's Tweets from the 16th in a bit more detail...

Aw shit, Jimmy!! What have you been doing?!? I actually couldn't fit Jimmy's reply spam in one screen grab, so I pasted the plain text into a text editor instead:-

If you're interested, that's 41 replies featuring the same text copy/pasted in about 14 minutes. A quick look at a couple of the original Tweets Jimmy was replying to featured the words "Rush" and "NFL", so I would assume Jimmy did a quick search and then replied with the URL to his shitty blog post.

41 Tweets might not be the heights of spam, in fact it's pretty pathetic, but it clearly is spam. Although he wasn't actually banned for the Tweets on the 16th, remember. I wonder what the 17th looked like!! Damn those Twitter admins censoring the interwebz!!! Grrrrrrr!!

So the whole point of Jimmy's exercise in spam was to draw attention to his blog post about Rush Limbaugh and the NFL, it must have been rather good, no? Er, no. It was a rather crap attempt at sarcasm and failed hard.

Interestingly, the commentors seemed entirely impressed with Jimmy's genius, for example:-

Several comments make mention to some negative comments from other posters. Strange thing, I really couldn't find anything too negative. I wonder if they might have been deleted somehow?

So Jimmy, do you really believe that you were suspended from Twitter because other people re-tweeted you 150 times and "some liberal at Twitter" was upset with the content? Bare in mind that Rev Run's "no god, no peace, know god, know peace" meme was re-tweeted all day long causing the infamous "no god" trending topic which required very real intervention from Twitter to relabel the trending topics without Rev Run being banned for any period.

Clearly you weren't suspended from Twitter because of other people's re-tweets, that's a ridiculous claim. But I wonder if you really believe that, in which case you're stupid, or whether you're just trying to sell that story to your gullible readers, in which case you're a liar.

Language Matters

2009-10-22T11:28:00.005-04:00

It's not new, but it's bothered me for a while and something I just saw on Facebook is prompting this rant. Some stupid poll asking whether the Facebook users believe in evolution or creation drew more than 60% of respondents in favour of creation. That's frustrating enough, but it's not actually my gripe here.

I'm sure these questions are being framed by pro-creationists, but I'm becoming intolerant of evolution being portrayed in polls and suchlike as something one can believe in or not. No people! Evolution is a fact, we know almost beyond all fear of contradiction that complex life on this planet evolved from simple life forms over the course of millions of years. All the evidence across the entire spectrum of biological and geological disciplines collaborates on this and new discoveries continue to add to the body of evidence time after time.

The theory of evolution by means of natural selection is how we explain the process. Yes there are small gaps here and there within the theory, but it's a massive, massive body of work we're talking about here. Sure, there's even been parts of the theory that have been proven wrong and revised over time. That will continue too, that's what science does.

But still, evolution remains a scientific fact. One does not chose to believe or disbelieve facts, they accept or they reject them.

I care not a jot whether someone accepts or rejects a fact, but if they reject it, and they wish to be taken seriously, they need some data and research to back up their position. No, a dusty old book written by a bunch of sheep herders thousands of years ago, edited and translated countless times by persons unknown, which says a magic sky man did it, does not count. Sorry.

Anyone with a rudimentary, high school level of science education understands this. If kids could only take one thing away from science class it should be a basic understanding of what the scientific method is. If you get that, it's easy to accept an argument from science over faith all day long, regardless of whether you actually grasp the subject itself.

That needs to be the goal of science at this point in time. Don't get bogged down in details that overwhelm and discourage the hard of understanding. Simply get them to understand what the scientific method is and within that explain the difference between a theory and a hypothesis.

If the layman can get a grasp of that, we're well on the way to not only tipping the balance on the evolution vs creation poll question, but actually framing it correctly:-

Do you accept the overwhelming body of evidence and data or do you choose to reject it out of ignorance and fear that it brings your belief in the contents of a dusty old book into question? ZOMG!! If evolution is true that might mean that Grandma isn't in heaven and I might not see her again!!!11! Waaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!! *hand over ears* LA LA LA LA LA, I can't hear you!!

Also, I would bet a large sum of money that the understanding of evolution by the people who vote for creation in these polls starts and finishes with this...

I DIDN'T COME FROM NO DAMN MONKEY!!

Well, the proximity of your knuckles and the ground might suggest otherwise, but that isn't what evolution claims. The sooner that message gets out and understood the better.

Twitter Censorship

2009-10-20T19:29:00.011-04:00

No fair!! Twitter has removed "no god" from the trending topics. It can't be genuine for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it would surely drop down the list from #1 slowly.

Secondly, "know peace" is still in the list of trending topics. I've just done a search of the two terms side by side and have left the windows unrefreshed for the same period of time (the couple of minutes it's taken to write this post). You can see yourself how "no god" is out performing "know peace":-

"no god" is being tweeted more than 3 times as frequently as "know peace" yet the latter is trending.

Mmmmm, I smell censorship!!

EDIT 1: I just noticed, as if to prove the human hand of intervention here, that the "know peace" topic is actually revealed to be " 'know peace' or 'no peace' " by the tool tip shown from hovering the pointer over the hyperlink.

To factor that in, I've just done another side by side search for "no peace" and "know peace":-

"No peace" is barely returning half the records "know peace" is. So, the combined clearly aren't any match for "no god".

Edit 2: It's back!! Well, not quite. "no god" has now been combined with "know god" in the same way as "peace" described in Edit 1, above.

Meh!! It's actually quite a smart way to manipulate the data. Make no mistake, that's what Twitter are doing - manipulating the data to avoid offending stupid people.

Edit 3: OK, so " 'know god' or 'no god' " is now showing in the trending topics, as per Edit 2, above. However, it's curiously sat in fifth place.

No problem, let's compare how it fares in a side by side against the current number 1 term; #beatcancer (a very, very valid term, obviously):-

Yup, " 'know god' or 'no god' " is returning about 70% more tweets than "#beatcancer" during the same period of time.

It's currently about 8pm EST, we'll see how it goes during the rest of the evening.

Edit 4 (22:35): this is kinda cool. it plots four key metrics during the course of the day; 'no god', 'no peace', 'know god' & 'know peace':-

It demonstrates quite clearly when 'no god' was killed by Twitter.

Annotated Tweet Search

2009-10-20T17:16:00.004-04:00

Just the first page of results returned when searching for "no god" on Twitter. They're coming in thick and fast, couldn't possibly keep up, but you get the idea of exactly why it's trending #1.

I probably shouldn't help the fundies get it... but honestly, they wouldn't understand it if you had a week to explain it.

Who's house? Run's house!!!

2009-10-20T11:48:00.007-04:00

Even if you're not a hip hop fan, you surely will have heard of Run DMC. You may or may not know that Joseph "Run" Simmons is these days known as "Reverend Run" and he has a Twitter account.

I believe this to be the source of today's "no god" trending topic on Twitter:-

So, if I'm correct, a massive thank you goes out to Reverend Run for the lulz!!

Peace!! I'm outta here!!

The Religious Really Aren't That Bright

2009-10-20T11:07:00.003-04:00

Generally speaking, that's the position I hold. Sure, there are intelligent believers and I'm often curious about how many of them genuinely believe and how many are just making money, but that's another post for another time.

But there are many lulz from the dumb religious masses on Twitter today. Someone, possibly many unoriginal christians, tweeted "no god, no peace, know god, know peace" and I guess it was probably re-tweeted by the type of people who think this is the most profound statement ever written.

Now, let's assume that a mischievous group of people started tweeting various messages containing the phrase "no god". You then have two completely opposite sets of messages with completely opposite messages that are collaborating to make the common element trend on Twitter - i.e. "no god". In fact, the message just needs to contain the words 'no' and 'god', they don't have to be adjacent to one another.

Now the really funny part - the religious dimwits see "no god" trending, are horrified and assume it's satan at work or something. Those evil atheists at least. So how do they respond? Well, they tweet something like "ZOMG!! Why is No God trending? That's crazy. Atheists blah blah blah Fucking stupid trending yada yada yada"

LMAO!! Obviously they don't have the first clue how trending topics work and can't possibly get their heads around the fact that they are contributing to the trend by Tweeting "no god" themselves.

I guess that's what a lack of critical, logical thinking skills and a herd mentality gets you. Maybe they think Twitter, like some higher power, understands context?

Whatever. I know one site that will be having a field day with this epic fail!!

This Month For Sure!!

2009-10-18T17:23:00.005-04:00

I first stumbled on this eye raping website last month following a post on Pharyngula poking fun of the "data" backing up their claim that the rapture would be occurring on September 21st 2009.

Of course, it didn't happen, so you might think that they look a bit foolish now. Not so!! PZ Myers returned and found that they've apparently gone back to their calculations and worked out that the date is actually October 21st 2009 as you can see in the screencap below:-

Kicking myself that I didn't screencap the website last month for the lulz, I went to see if I could something that would show that previous error. Look what I found at the archive.org from May 2008:-

Well, what do you know? Last year they were predicting that it would all be kicking off at the end of September 2008!! Presumably they just keep shifting the date every time their prediction proves to be completely wrong.

I'd call the site owner a charlatan and snake oil salesman, but I really don't think they're selling anything. Which means they're just another whack job!

Tattoo Fail

2009-10-16T12:19:00.004-04:00

Gathered from the excellent Friendly Atheist, go read the back story there.

Man has Leviticus 18:22 tattooed on his arm:-

You shall not be with a male as one does with a woman. It is an abomination.

Mmmmm, pity he didn't turn to the next chapter, as Leviticus 19:28 says:-

Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.

In simple English: You're not allowed to get tattoos, fucktard!!!

A Challenge for YEC "Scientists"

2009-10-16T11:44:00.005-04:00

I was recently browsing one of the funniest sites on the interwebz; Answers in Genesis, and noticed it seems to have undergone a bit of a re-branding exercise. I got the impression they were trying to promote their science credentials, or what passes as science credentials in their own deluded minds.

But it got me thinking. Since they believe that the Earth is ~6,000 years old, it follows that its natural resources, such as coal and oil, can be no older than 6,000 years. As scientists, surely they must think it possible to somehow replicate the manufacture of these resources synthetically, but to cut the timescale down significantly.

Of course, if these resources truly took millions of years to form then it would take orders of magnitude in speeding the process up artificially for it to be of any use to mankind. However, if it took less than 6,000 years it's not beyond the realms of possibility to be able to manually create the resources within our lifetimes, which is something that would be of huge interest to all of humanity.

So how about it YEC scientists.... the real scientific community are working on creating diamonds artificially, why don't you get working on oil and/or coal? You'll become both credible and useful in one act!!

Caucasian jebus

2009-10-08T10:01:00.004-04:00

I meant to include this in my critique of the "One Nation Under god?" post, but forgot. Luckily it gives me opportunity to show some link love for someone who has has corrected the captions shown when you hover your pointer over the painting.

For instance, jebus now reads:-

He basically looks like Aaron Eckhart. You know, that guy who played Two-Face and the smoking guy? This is what Jews looked like in the first century.

Bingo!!

Rewriting History

2009-10-03T01:12:00.004-04:00

Look at this bullshit...

If you go to the website you can hover over the different elements to read the oh-so-deep symbolism.

For instance, if you hover over the constitution that jebus is holding it says:-

Inspired by God and created by God fearing, patriotic Americans.

It should have continued to say "who then forgot to mention him anywhere in the document. Nowhere. Not once. I wonder why?!? hurr durr!!"

If you hover over one of the court documents on the steps you'll find 'Everson vs Board Of Education, 1947' which apparently was:-

[...] the beginning of removal of prayer from school and God from America.

O RLY??? 1947, huh?

I suppose that's why "In God We Trust" first appeared on paper money in 1957, following legislation introduced in 1955?!?!

I suppose that's why the words "under God" were injected into the Pledge of Allegiance in 1954?!?!

HURR DURR!!!

The Brick Testament

2009-09-23T10:54:00.002-04:00

It's the bible, illustrated using Lego!! Pure WIN!! Go check it out!!

One Man's Cult Is The Next's Religion

2009-09-18T17:10:00.004-04:00

I've asked before, what's the difference between a cult and a religion. So far, my conclusion is simple - numbers.

Age of the religion may be a factor, but it takes time to gather a following. I'm not sure whether contemporary cults such as scientology are considered ridiculous because they don't originate in the bronze age or because they just haven't had time to build a following large enough to take seriously. Of course, it could be considered ridiculous because it is, but then so are the others.

Proof of the pudding; a self professed jedi, who claims that it is a religion and his clothing forms part of that religion, was recently asked to remove his cloak in Tescos as it broke their "no hoody" rule.

He claims in the article that he "walked past a muslim lady in a veil", which may or may not be true, but is a valid point. He apparently received giggles from staff when he claimed that his clothing was based on his religion, naturally they wouldn't dare giggle a the muslims.

Personally, I find both "religions" equally ludicrous and I see no difference between them. I'd be keen to hear what Tescos think the major differences between the two are though.

Indoctrination - They Do Understand The Principle

2009-09-08T10:07:00.003-04:00

This isn't a religion story per se and there certainly aren't any lulz in it, but it's still very relevant.

There's no doubt a plethora of sources for this ongoing saga, but I just happened to be reading some coverage at the Star-Telegram, which looks to be based in Texas.

Basically, the President, Barrack Obama, is going to be speaking to some school children in Arlington, Virginia today and I believe it will also be broadcast on TV - BBC say on "a cable channel" so I'm presuming CSPAN, but now it's become a major issue it will no doubt be on every news channel. Probably not on Fox of course, although they're far from a news channel.

So what's so news worthy about a President giving a little pep talk to some school children and encouraging them to take their education seriously? Well there's a right wing group who seriously believe a range of things about the President - from him being a Marxist and Socialist all the way up to him being the antichrist. Yeah, seriously.

Regardless of the lack of facts in any of their beliefs (sound familiar?) their stated goal is to oppose everything, and I mean everything, this President does. Fearing the long term goal to turn this country into a communist haven, the natural presumption about the President's motives in talking to the kids today is to brainwash them with Socialist propaganda in order to create a future voting block. Obviously. Just like when plotting to get your patsy, Marxist President in the White House you'd naturally seek the additional challenge of picking a black candidate, wouldn't you? Hur Dur!!!

Anyway, there are wingnuts throughout the land who are pulling their kids out of school so they're not exposed to this "propaganda". It was this quote from Peggy Venable, Texas director for a group called Americans for Prosperity and a former White House liaison for the U.S. Department of Education, that caused this post. (She's initially referring to a lesson plan which suggested discussing such topics as "Why is it important that we listen to the President and other elected officials, like the mayor, senators, members of Congress or the governor? Why is what they say important?"

That’s enough to send chills down my spine. Schoolchildren should not be indoctrinated in obedience to and service in support of the president of the United States.

It appears to be nothing short of training our children to support Obama policies. When the recruits are children, doesn’t that constitute indoctrination, even brainwashing?

A Fox "News" story carrying the same quotes helpfully defines what indoctrination means:-

Indoctrination is often distinguished from education by the fact that the indoctrinated person is expected not to question or critically examine the doctrine they have learned. Indoctrination is common in totalitarian societies, and completely alien to our system of government.

Mmmm, like telling our kids that there's an invisible magic man in the sky who created everything, including them, and that they need to spend their lives thanking and worshiping him or they will spend eternity after they die burning in hell??

I don't want to do this Peggy a disservice, but as a right wing Conservative in Texas, I'm guessing that she's a follower of the magic sky pixie and I'm also guessing she hasn't given her kids the option of making their own minds up when they're old enough.

Even if I'm incorrect in my assumptions, I'd be very interested to hear her views on filling the heads of children with supernatural mumbojumbo that not only can not be proven, but the vast majority of which is counter to all the evidence, facts and logic that we have in the world.

Free Post Rapture Communication

2009-07-23T12:25:00.004-04:00

After covering the $40 per year service You've Been Left Behind, it's heart warming to find someone offering a similar service for free!! You don't get to send all the big files, but what exactly would you need to be sending to those left behind anyway??

All you have to do at Rapture Letters is plug in your name, the recipient's name and their email address and then all the emails will be triggered on a similar basis to You've Been Left Behind.

You don't get to write you own letters though I'm afraid, they've got a standard letter all ready to go.

And no, of course they're not just harvesting email addresses!! Can't believe you thought that!!

(via Attempts at Rational Behavior)

Yet More Afterlife Profit

2009-07-19T15:18:00.005-04:00

I've got to get my thinking cap on, there's clearly a lucrative market of suckers out there waiting to give me their money!!

We've already covered Reserve Your Spot in Heaven. Then had a quick look at Post Rapture Pet Care. Now I bring you You've Been Left Behind.

This is more genius and is obviously "programmed and run by christians, for christians"... oh yes, *rubs chin*, *wink* *wink*, of course, lol.

The service solves the basic problem of all the good christians being raptured and unable to communicate with their friends and family left behind. There's a small window of opportunity for those left behind to accept jebus and be saved y'see. (Obviously no one will question them up in heaven about why they've been unable to convince so many people to accept jebus during their lifetimes. Hey, incompetence is rarely punished in this world, no reason to think it'll be any different in the afterlife!!)

So anyway, now there's a way to communicate with those left behind. You can store a whole bunch of documents and emails all ready to be sent to your loved ones. To get specific: 150Mb of encrypted document storage space, which can be emailed to up to 12 email addresses - your closest family and friends, natch. But wait, there's more!! You will also get a further 100Mb unencrypted storage space, the contents of which can be emailed to a further 50 email addresses - the "B list" I suppose.

Sounds great doesn't it?? Oh, but hang on, if it's "run by christians, for christians" how will the emails ever get sent?? Ah ha!! That's simple. There's five members of this scam service and if three of them fail to log in for six days then it will be assumed that the rapture has occurred and the emails will be triggered. Foolproof!!

So what would you pay for something like this?? Well, in the first year your subscription will be $40, but they will lower the cost over the years as the number of subscribers increase. Honest, you can trust them, they're christians!! *wink* *wink*

Yet another example of how to exploit the simple minded out there. Praise jebus!!!

More After Death Profit

2009-07-13T14:44:00.004-04:00

Following on from my post about a service that will reserve your spot in heaven, here's another genius way to milk some cash out of the dim witted.

If you're a full on christian then you'll obviously believe in the rapture. No doubt you've read it, researched it, understand it and it all makes sense to you.

Obviously. If you're also a pet owner then you're probably worried about what will happen to your pets when jebus takes you all off to heaven. Worry no more, Post Rapture Pet Care have got your back.

I'm surprised that they're in the UK as I managed to spend many years there without ever hearing of the rapture, but maybe if you travel in the right circles?? Anyway, for just £69.99 they promise, as atheists who will be left behind, to take care of your pets.

The whole deal with the rapture gets really complicated - as things do when you're making shit like this up - but I'm presuming that the pet care obligation will last for the 7 years of tribulation. (Yes, I'm assuming that the "pretribulation" view correctly describes the chronology of end times lmao).

I don't think any of the scriptures cover what will happen to all the animals that inhabit the planet though. At some point jebus will come riding back to earth on a white horse backed up by his army - also clad in white - looking to kick some arse. I have to say that wearing white in a war is generally not a good idea. It's more conventional to wear some kind of camo, but I guess when you're jebus it doesn't matter??

Then all us unbelievers will be dispatched during armageddon for final judgment. After that, jebus and his followers hang around in heaven for a bit while the 144,000 special jews repopulate the earth. At some point they all come back down to Earth, sit on thrones and have a generally nice time. The rest of us are burning in the fires of hell for eternity of course. Bummer!!

But as Michael Jackson asked in 'Earth Song' - "what about animals?". If they're killed during armageddon then they can't go to heaven as they're unable to accept jebus as their saviour of course. (Which is always the case, so sorry, little Rover isn't up there waiting for you right now).

Anyway, I'm sorry for going off on a end times fueled tangent there. Post Rapture Pet Care is another slice of genius and I tip my hat at Attempts at Rational Behavior for the story.

Back to the (De)Motivational Posters

2009-07-08T22:27:00.005-04:00

I had some kind of record length Skype call with a very good friend back home today. Seriously, just under 7 hours!! He's become concerned that I'm overly focused with atheism. It's left him scratching his head because, as I may have already mentioned in an earlier post, religion is largely a non-issue in the UK because it's mostly regarded as a personal thing. Well, that's to say that the fundies aren't allowed to infect politics or education in anything the same way as over here in America.

In fairness, I know where he's coming from and it was nice to be reminded of a different perspective. However, as a musician, I hope he'll enjoy these memes which invoke John Lennon's classic 'Imagine' and go some way to answering my position...

Remember, science flies us to the moon - religion flies us into buildings.

Double Fail

2009-06-26T14:37:00.001-04:00

From Failblog...

Home School Fail

2009-06-26T12:49:00.007-04:00

There's often something arrogant about the religious fundies and it's generally misplaced too. By some margin. For example, it makes perfect sense to them that their god created the entire universe, put the planet earth in the centre of it and placed them at the top of all hierarchy. If that wasn't enough, their god then spends all his time concerned with everything they do in their little lives. If that isn't arrogant, I don't know what is.

Continuing that theme, it's not unknown for the wingnuts to take great offense to the syllabus of the public school system and to arrogantly think that they can do a better job of educating their children. Actually, it's more about indoctrinating their children and isolating them from any influence that might cause them to question their parents' stupid superstitions. But still, there's a ton of arrogance there.

Case in point, I spotted this pic from freethoughtfortwayne.org via Pharyngula.

This shouldn't need an explanation, but just in case you're a graduate of the home schooling system - #3 & #4 are misspelled and #3 is particularly ironic as spelling would certainly come under it's jurisdiction!! *sigh*

This is what happens when you put greater educational emphasis on a dusty old book written by a bunch of goat herders than actual text books.

The North Georgia Falcons are a real team playing in the Glory For Christ Football League against teams such as Holy Ground Baptist Academy Stallions & Dominion Christian Knights.

If football doesn't strike you as the type of sport that jebus would approve of, as was my first thought, then you're as wrong as I was...

Yaaaay!!! Go jebus!!!

The World's Biggest Pyramid Scheme

2009-06-23T09:52:00.003-04:00

Money for old rope...

The biggest pyramid selling scheme in the world... the perfect business model - it's an invisible product that requires no raw product to manufacture, just imagination. The best part is that the paying customers can never come back to complain if they don't receive the promised afterlife in heaven. It's quite brilliant.

We often hear about the size and worth of certain markets - don't ask me why, but pornography springs to mind - I'd love to hear how much religion is worth. Just looking at the number and size of churches around my neck of the woods, it must be absolutely staggering!!

What's the difference between a cult and a religion???

2009-06-22T00:03:00.003-04:00

No, this isn't a bad joke!! It's a genuine question. As far as I can tell, it basically boils down to numbers. When there are enough followers it ceases to be a kooky cult and becomes a bona fide religion. I wonder if there is a specific number of followers required and, if so, who sets the rules??

Well, that's the theme for this motivation poster... I guess a lot of people just sort of go along with religion because other people are doing it. It's kind of easier that way I suppose, especially if you've never been encouraged to think critically and question the status quo.

Yup, stupidity. I make no apology for this. If you're religious, then my view is that you've either considered the evidence, or lack thereof, and decided that there is an invisible sky pixie and you are therefore stupid. Or, you haven't considered a damned thing and just go along with things. In which case, guess what, you're also stupid.

Oh, there is a third possibility... if you're not stupid, but you peddle this crap then you're a liar and more than likely making money from it.

Indoctrination

2009-06-21T15:30:00.002-04:00

I know a few people who take their kids to church and/or send them to Sunday school because they somehow think this will help them to be good people. Personally, I find this morally and intellectually bankrupt, but at the very least it's pure laziness.

In 'the god delusion', Richard Dawkins goes to great lengths to stress that there's no such thing as a christian child, or a muslim child etc., they're all just children of religious parents. No one is born a member of any religion, it's learned behaviour which pretty much proves that man made god and not the other way around if you ask me. He's not wrong.

I wanted to start sharing some of my favourite religious motivational posters, so on the subject of indoctrinating children into religion:-

Dear Creationists, Thank You

2009-06-19T14:24:00.002-04:00

I love cdk007's videos... this one is especially good.

You Don't Drive Like A Christian

2009-06-17T17:28:00.014-04:00

It might not be fair to judge all American drivers based on the ones in my neck of the woods, but in my experience there's very little consideration for anyone else on the road here. In fact, the way vast numbers of Americans appear to drive it's like they're the only ones on the road, which is exactly how they live their entire lives. Like they're the only ones on the planet, or the only ones who actually matter anyway. (this might be a great example of american society in microcosm, but I'll leave exploring that further for another time).

And you know, I'm never surprised when I get a look at the rear of the most ignorant, self centered drivers' cars and often see, you've guessed it.... the jebus fish!!! That's when I shout out "you don't drive like a christian, do you?!?!?". When it comes to driving, as with the rest of my life, I think that I generally display more of the values christians like to claim as their own and representative of their religion than they actually do.

For example, today I met up with the wife who's doing a splendid job baby sitting all week. We went to our local science museum with the kids (I've been curious for a while about how much science one can be exposed to in the heart of Amish country!!) and then we went for some lunch. Now, this isn't the crime of the century, in fact it's completely trivial, but it's a great example of the self centered manner religious folk frequently operate. It's like no one else in the world exists.

As we left the restaurant our path to our car in the parking lot, not more than 20 feet away, was blocked by a truck parked right outside the front door. No biggie, we walked right around it. What was interesting was that it was clearly marked "No Parking" right outside the door. Still, those sorts of rules are for mere mortals. When you're on the fast track to heaven you can do WTF you like in this world, right?? And when I say "fast track", I mean this beats a jebus fish...

It's trivial I know and I wasn't all that bothered about it. But it would have been as easy for them to park in an empty parking spot 20 feet away as it was for me to whip my iPhone out, take a few pics and then upload them to my blog!! ;)

And yes, I pixelated their license plate and the name of their shitty "prayer and training center for revival and end time witness".

Lego Jebus

2009-06-11T14:38:00.003-04:00

I saw this on Gizmodo...

...and I LOL'd.

BTW, for the americans - the plural of Lego is Lego. Please stop referring to it as Legos!!! /rant.

Reserve A Spot In Heaven

2009-06-10T23:02:00.005-04:00

Genius!! Why didn't I think of this?? It's pretty much the same thing the church does, it's just a one time fee instead of the weekly tithe.

Guarantee

We offer our 100% money back guarantee on all of our packages. If for any reason you do not make it to Heaven then we will refund your money with no questions asked. Don’t worry though, we are confident you will make it.

I also love the diagram that explains the process...

If only religious folk would realize that the "us" in this chart is no different from their church and then question who appointed the employees of that church as the guides and authority to their eternal salvation.

Maybe they might even consider that they're more than likely a member of that church and that particular religion by virtue of where they happened to be born.

If they're christians, for instance, they might consider how wasteful their god is to allow more than four fifths of the world's population to be cast into the pits of hell for eternity largely because they weren't lucky enough to be born somewhere where they'd likely become a christian.

And if they're American christians, they might see the irony that people born in the region they regard as holy are more likely to be indoctrinated into the jewish or muslim religions and therefore will burn in hell forever. While they, who were born thousands of miles away, in a land that god somehow forgot to mention when he was dictating his bible, are especially blessed and will be going to heaven.

Oh yeah, that all makes perfect sense.

Jebus on a Headstone

2009-05-30T17:46:00.005-04:00

We happened to be in a graveyard today (for legitimate reasons) and I spotted this gravestone (I pixelated out the names - I don't know why, they're not likely to be offended now are they?!?!)

It's not so much the addition of a picture of their messiah that I find weird, although that's definitely enough for me. It's really that this image of jebus as a caucasian with the long hair and beard is what has managed to remain the common depiction of the fella.

Surely if this guy means so much to you that you want a picture of him on your permanent memorial you'd go to the trouble of getting a better idea of what he looked like. Or maybe these people really believe that he looked European, uncannily like someone from the Renaissance period??

Then again, am I missing the obvious rationalization here... would his genetic code be all mixed up due to god being his father?? Therefore it would be entirely possible for him to look nothing like all the other people in the region at the time.

Maybe that's why there is scant mention in the bible of what jebus was up to for 30 years - he was busy trying to get over the terrible teasing he endured at school for looking like a Eurofag!! Kids can be so cruel you know.

Another possibility is that since god was his father, but jebus is also god, therefore jebus is his own father, so his genetic code could have been all screwed up by the mother of all incests!! He would therefore have been such a physical mess that artists went to great lengths to depict him as differently from reality as possible. I don't know, just saying.

Anyway, long story short - I saw this gravestone today and I LOL'd

He did it in the DARK!!!!

2009-05-30T11:37:00.000-04:00

Ricky Gervais discovers an alternate explanation to evolution in the bible...

I never tire of watching this clip, there's so much win!!!

Reborn??

2009-05-29T23:46:00.000-04:00

Bumper sticker I saw the other day simply said:-

Born OK the first time.

I LOL'd

FIRST!!!111!!

2009-05-29T19:53:00.001-04:00

When I was young, perhaps 6 or 7 years old, I realized that there was something that set me apart from most of my friends. Although none of them were able to explain exactly what it was all about, most of them had been christened as babies. I hadn't been christened and it eventually bothered me enough to ask my mother why this was.

As best as I can recall, she explained to me that she and my father believed that faith & religion was a deeply personal thing and that their own beliefs should not be imposed on me as a baby. She told me that when I was older I would be able to consider the facts and make up my own mind. She added that it was perfectly OK to be christened as an adult and if that was something I wanted to do then I'd have their full support.

Wow. That made me feel so special. Firstly, I totally understood that my friends had gone through something that wasn't their choice. OK, maybe it was just a little splash of water on the head, but still not their choice and something that could not be undone. Secondly, it made me look forward to a time when I would be old and wise enough to make my own decisions. I guess it was just part of the encouragement I received to think for myself using critical thinking skills.

So fast forward 30 odd years and here I am, still not christened of course. In all honesty, I hadn't given religion a whole lot of thought before I turned 30 - I just hadn't seen anything that seemed remotely sensible or likely in it. It was frankly a bit silly, you know, all that man being made from some dust and woman from his rib stuff... pur-lease!!! But around my 30th birthday some of the arrogance of youth finally wore off and I became aware of my own mortality in a way I had never been before. That was an epiphany. It was at that point it became obvious to me why organized religion still existed!! In a nutshell: fear of death and the pain of losing loved ones.

Since then I've moved to America, a land awash with religion and it's frankly pretty scary. I managed to go my entire life before moving here without ever hearing of the rapture, but there are people here who not only want it to happen, but actually think it can be made to happen. If that doesn't scare you, nothing will.

So I've formed the opinion that religion has retarded human development for the last couple of thousand years and it's time for some real enlightenment. I'm not suggesting that this blog will provide that, but I'll share my thoughts and plug the gaps with some Raptop Jesus pics or something for the lulz...